Greetings y’all, Its Friday. Biden is leading in the polls; I got a fresh ass Skinny Margarita in my hand and I'm about to watch a show I truly enjoy, SMACKDOWN. Are you ready for a good time? On tonight's docket we have our Survivor Series Qualifier Matches. Otis vs Long Neck Seth (Rollins), Baron Corbin vs Rey Mysterio. A women's Survivor Series qualifying triple threat match with Natalya vs Zelina vs Ruby Riot. We also have a Smackdown women's title rematch with Sasha Banks vs Bayley. So, with all that said
Let’s Get Started Shall We?
We start Smackdown off with the new Smackdown Champion Ms. Wiggl...I mean Sasha Banks. The fact that she is in the opening match tells me one of two things. She retains cleanly or she retains not cleanly. We get a gut-wrenching recap of the love that has been shattered into a million pieces. We see that Mandalorian money got sis acting on par. Before Baley makes her entrance, she cuts a promo with the adorable Kayla. Stating how Sasha can never retain the title after winning it. Side note, Bayley little bob looking cute. Go head girl, witcho bob headed self. Bayley comes down to the ring with what seems like the Demo version of the original The Rock theme. Giving a thumbs down to all the idiots and sheep watching from their computer screens.
We get a messy ass cat fight and a quick pin attempt from Bayley but Sasha quickly reverses it into a bank statement but Bayley quickly reaches the ropes and slides out. We come back from commercial and Sasha banks is still in control of the match. We see double knees from the outside by Sasha into the ring post but Bayley quickly recovers after she leg YEETS the f*ck outta Sasha sending her into the air. So, she can get acquainted with the ring apron on her way down. Bayley slings shots her neck first into the bottom rope and goes for the pin but it’s kicked out at 2.
We see another double knee into the corner by Sasha but a clothesline by Bayley puts a stop to Sasha’s momentum. I’m going to start calling Sasha “Double Knee Banks” because girl been spamming them double knees tonight like she at a Superkick Buffet. We get an attempted Powerbomb by Banks but it’s reversed by Bayley into a hurricarana. More running knees from Banks and an elbow to Bayley on the outside apron and a pretty nice frog splash from the top rope.
None of this is able to but Bayley away as she kicks out at 2. Bayley desperate to win brings a chair into the match but it’s quickly kicked away by Sasha who then receives a backstabber by Bayley, she attempts a flying elbow but it’s still not enough. Bayley attempts to spear Sasha into the ring post but is only met with Sasha moving out the way and putting Bayley into the Bank Statement resulting in Bayley tapping out. As Sasha is celebrating her win up the ramp, Carmella the Super Kick Queen herself comes out and attacks Sasha solidifying she’s going for the title.
Winner: Sasha Banks
Rating: Yall Sasha actually retained a Title!
Jey Uso/Roman Segment
Kayla Braxton is interviewing Lil tribal chief Jey Uso, she asks him questions about what happened last week involving Daniel Bryan. Jey said he considers him and Daniel Bryan friends but he had to do it for the family. Paul turkey gobbling neck comes into frame and said roman did not authorize the interview and needed to talk to Jey. Oh, Kayla throwing mad shad towards Jay basically saying “You being a little bitch”. Paul Heyman tells Jey he needs permission to do interviews. Paul goes and gets Roman and he scolds Jey telling him there’s a chain of command that he needs to come to roman or Paul. Roman then tells Jey that Kevin disrespecting him, is disrespecting him and his family. Jey says he’ll handle it and walks off. Roman then tells Paul that he needs to handle everything so he doesn’t have to and tells Paul to find Adam pierce to handle the K.O problem. A match is set up for Jey Uso vs Kevin Owens for the Main Event.
Rey Mysterio vs King Corbin (Survivor Series Qualifier Match)
We get a segment backstage were Rey Mysterio is looking for his daughter who is attacked by Corbin who we haven't seen on Smackdown in like forever. Which is a good thing. A Corbinless Smackdown is always a good time, TBH. We see King Boring standing in the ring with is plastic knights of the round table crown on as Rey comes out still reeling from the attacked dealt by the hands of Corbin. No lie, I may not like Corbin but I think this match with Rey is going to be a fire match. Corbin sets the tone of the match at the bell by giving Rey Mysterio a spine buster. Rey tries to fight back but Corbin puts a stop to it. He throws Rey to the outside of the ring and King Mr. Clean begins to taunt Rey, only to be met with the steal steps as he runs shoulder first trying to take out Rey Mysterio.
Wait is Rey Mysterio wrestling in Yeezy’s? SERIIOUSLY I'm jealous Rey please adopt me. We get interupted by Long Neck Seth as it cuts to commercial. As we come back to the match we see Rey taking control on Corbin as Rollins watches from the top ramp. We get a back breaker from Corbin some donkey kong punches to the back and kidney of Rey and some knees to the spine. Again, this man is wrestling, well more like getting his ass kicked in some Yeezy, still fire as all f*ck!
Corbin continues he’s brutal assault by Rey with a serious of punches and focus on the lower back of Rey. Rey then says fuck it I'm hungry and takes a bite out of Corbin meat loaf forehead that gives him the advantage he needs to start to take control of the match. We see a 619 attempt and a top rope splash to Corbin. At that moment Seth attacks Dominik and the whole Telenovela family comes out to do whatever the telenovela family does. In all the commotion King Boring takes advantage of the drama and gives Rey the End of Days and secures his spot on the men’s Survivor Series team.
Winner: Mr. Clean
Rating: The Telenovela strikes again *throws fist in air*
Ruby Riot vs Natalya vs Zelina Vega (Survivor Series Qualifier Match)
Time for the women's match, we have the BOAT, The Titter Slapper herself, Natalya making her way to ring in the Survivor Series qualifying match. Zelina Vega and Ruby Riot are already there waiting. Damn no entrance for neither of them. We see a bunch of reversals, some kicks a sloppy ass roll up, a body slam and a submission move by Natalya. We see a spin the world hurricarana by Zelina Vega who is then slammed down onto the matt. A failed senton by Ruby, a sharpshooter by Natalya that’s broken up with a bull dog by Zelina. We have another Hurricarana to Ruby Riot who rolls outside the ring. Natalya then puts Zelina into a sharpshooters and Ruby Riot sneaks in and puts Zelina in an arm bar and as Natalya let’s go zelina taps while still in the arm bar giving the 2nd survivor series slot to Ruby Riot
Winner: Ruby Riot
Rating: At least we can say we got more women's matches than AEW *shrugs*
Big E/Street Profits/Billie Kay Segment
We see Big E playing some weird board game when Street Profits approach Big E and offer him to come hang out with them in the champion lounge. Street Profits are looking for some deets on the New Day Big E tells them New Day won't beat them up to bad. They have a laugh, Some more laughs, then another Laugh. Billie Kay saunters in offering her services as a snitch but Street profit tells here there were on RAW same time as her so anything, she has to offer is mute at this point.
Seth Rollins vs Otis (Survivor Series Qualifier)
We see the Blue Collar, Meat Eating, Caterpillar having Beefy man himself Otis makes his way to the ring to face Seth Rollins in the Survivor Series qualifier. We get a Progressive Match flo recap of the drama. Didn’t we see a recap earlier today? Do they think we have a short attention span that we don’t remember? Trust me y’all been running this Telenovela for months we didn’t forget nothing. Seth Rollins makes his way down the ramp and his long neck decides to join him a few seconds later. Seth Rollins beings to double donkey punch meaty ass Otis in the back but it’s quickly reversed by Otis who sends Seth flipping over the turn buckle.
Seth rolls out of the ring and at the moment former disciple murphy makes his way to ring. Are we going to get a distraction win for Otis cause of murphy? We see Rollins get sent over the top rope who then gets belly pounced by Otis who throws him in the ring. Rollins delivers a sling shot and Otis stumbles around the ring like someone who was full on thanksgiving. We get some dancing in the ring some hip pumping and some lake shaking followed by a series of clotheslines. Otis continues his onslaught with a fall away slam, a corner splash. Murphy jumps on top of the ring apron for no apparent reason causing a distraction giving Seth the win and a spot on the Survivor Series team. We see after commercial break Seth running after Murphy and what seems as if he is on Seth’s side. Aaliyah comes running out obviously pissed but Murphy asks her to trust him. It’s for the greater good.
Winner: Seth Rollins
Rating: What the fuck just happened?
Jey Uso vs Kevin Owens
Jey makes his way down the ring for his match against Kevin Owens who is standing backstage with Kayla Braxton. Who says the difference between him and Jey is that Kevin himself made those choices on his own, not by another man. As the match starts, we see roman reigns and his special turkey dinner Paul Heyman watching from their locker room. We get a body slam and a senton by Kevin Owens. An attempted dive by Jey and a frog splash from the apron by Owens. We come back from commercial we see a failed pin attempt by Owens but gets distracted by Paul Heyman. Jey gives Kevin Owens a super kick and a quick dive to the outside turns the tides in Jey’s favor. Jey puts Kevin into a chin lock while Paul Heyman looks on like a loving father. Who isn't actually your father but some creep at your local grocery store named Billy Craig. We see Kevin give 2 super kicks and a cannon ball to and a senton bomb to Jey. Jey manages to change the tide with a super kick and a neck breaker. Kevin quickly find his feet and delivers a pop up powerbomb. Kevin as he tries to capitalize is distracted by roman reigns entrance music which allows Jey to deliver a low blow to Kevin and a frog splash to secure his win.
Winner: Jey Uso
Rating: My Tribel Chief is Proud