With Survivor Series being only 3 weeks away. It's the time of the year were each show Brand Supremacy is to be put on the line. The Best of The Best as WWE would call this upcoming PPV. Where champions of opposites brands face each other as well as a team of 5 from both men and women of each brand face off for the ultimate Bragging rights(Even though RAW has been kicking Smackdowns ass for over a 100 years. This time will be different. Right.........Right?)
So, let's get started, shall we?
Randy Orton/Drew/Bliss Segment
We start the show off with the newly crowned WWE champion Randy Orton making his way to the ring. He cuts the per usual promo about how good he is and all his history in the WWE. Don’t forget to throw in the PPV tagline “The Best of The Best”. Randy proceeds to say he is no longer a legend killer because he’s now a legend. Que academy award winning actress Alexa Bliss walking down the ramp and standing in the ring smiling at Randy Orton. Noticeable on her hands are gloves that say Play and Pain. At the moment she summons the great Fiend but instead Drew McIntyre appears and claymores Randy Orton instead. At that very moment out runs the referee with Morrison and the Miz with the MITB contract that he beat off of Otis at the last PPV but to no avail Drew puts a stop to the shenanigans saying no one is taking the belt off of Randy unless it’s him. After commercial Miz & Morrison challenge Drew to a 2-1 Handicapped match
Rating: The Best of The Best?
Elias/Jeff Hardy Guitar on a Pole Match
Elias is in the ring strumming away on his many guitars that he has (The man has so many guitars, what’s WWE budget for that?) he talks about his album that went #1 on iTunes. He begins playing “Amen” Which by all purposes is such a fire song (No, seriously you guys the song is so fire go stream it). This amazing acoustic concert gets rudely interrupted by Jeff Hardy and his sleeves that look like those fruity candy canes you buy for Christmas that not a single soul on earth wants to eat. The match begins which is advertise as a guitar on a pole match. Which is exactly what it is a guitar tied to a pole, dangling from the corner. We see Elias throw at barstool at Jeff Hardy as he is on the top rope. Couple chest chops here and a couple of pipped in audio of some Woooo’s there. We see Jeff Hardy take control of the match with a clothesline, atomic leg drops and an elbow to the chest. Hardy then reaches up and grabs the guitar and proceeds to nail Elias with the guitar for the 3-count pin .
Winner: Jeff Hardy
Rating: Amen
Mandy Rose/Dana Brooke Vs Shayna Baszler/Nia Jax (Tag Title Match)
We begin the match with Mandy and Dana making their way to the ring with a recap of Lana winning the final spot of the Survivor series women's team for RAW and going through a table for the 6th time. After Shayna and Nia enter the ring Lana also makes her way out. Dana starts off the match but quickly tags in Mandy after getting a horseback ride from Nia Jax. Nia is quickly in trouble as Mandy and Dana double team her to take her down to try to get the pin which is broken up by a tagged in Shayna. The good sis Dana is basically putting in work on Baszler. Until Lana interferes costing Mandy and Dana the match.
Winner: Shayna & Nia
Rating: If Lana isn’t going through the table tonight, The fuck we here for?
R-Truth Vs Bobby Lashley (vs Drew Gulak)
Our, 578 time, I-95, 7/11, 24/7 champion enters the ring for a 2 second interview in which he thinks he’s getting an autograph from the Waterboy man himself Bobby Boucher. Unfortunately, that would've been better but instead we get Bobby Lashley. R-truth pleads his case and lays on the canvas wanting to save himself and us from this ridiculous match. Bobby Lashley aka Bobby Boucher quickly gets work done and puts him in the full nelson and R-Truth taps out. At that moment Drew Gulak runs in the ring with a ref to get a pin for the 24/7 title and ultimately gets put into a full nelson as well. But Mr. Boucher feeling bad for doing that throws Gulak on top of R-Truth and gets the unconscious pin to win the 24/7 belt
Winner : Bobby Boucher
Rating : Jesus it’s only been an hour
AJ Styles Promo
AJ styles is in the ring with his bodyguard aka the bouncer for RAW Underground. I’m more concerned about him not being able to pick clothes that actually fit than him actually guarding AJ styles. AJ cuts a promo stating the rest of the team lacks a leader in which he offers up himself as the Team Leader (Que piped in Boo’s). He introduces the 2 members of the RAW, Survivor Series team. Sheamy and Keith Lee disagree with AJ styles being Team Leader. Cut to RAWWWRRRRRR. Mr. Get These Hands entering and announces himself on the team. (Wait does he have construction gloves on his pants? What are we building? Surely not Keith Lee.) We get a bunch of hoopla, which turns into a triple threat match with Keith Lee vs Sheamy vs Braun. With the stipulation if Braun wins he get's a spot on the Survivor Series Team.
Keith Lee vs Sheamy vs Mr. Get These Hands
We get a double team on Sheamus and Braun and Keith Lee start to battle it out. We then see a flying Keith Lee front flipping over the top rope and clips his head on the side ring. (Jesus Bruh that’s going to hurt in a couple of hours). As Sheamus and Keith Lee battle it out Braun comes running around the side and pounces Keith & Sheamus. Braun takes some steal steps to the side of his face and decides to take a nap by the commentary table. Keith goes face first into the outside ring post. Sheamy locks in a sleeper hold and out of nowhere Braun wakes up and realizes he needs to wrestle and runs through both Keith and Sheamus who is on Keith's back breaking the barricade. We get rest holds, some trading of strikes, some pounce action, a SUPER Suplex from all 3. With Braun Obviously picking up the win solidifying his spot on the RAW roster team.
Winner: Braun
Rating: Big Beefy Sons of Bitches slapping meat is always a good thing
Garza/Drew Promo
Garza is a beautiful man in the ring and when he talks. Nuff said.
We see Drew Cut a quick segment with the good sis Charlie. Where he accepts the 2 on 1 match for the Main Event.
FireFly fun house Segment
Bray Wyatt and Oscar award winner Alexa Bliss are in the firefly fun house. Were F Bombs are flying more than Ricochet off the top rope. Also, Abby gives no *Bleeps* about a Muthaducking swear jar. We get a recap of an old feud between Bray and Randy and Alexa Bliss shows us a neato trick of her spitting out what I assume is the souls of all the actresses she's slaying right now with this gimmick.
Lana vs Nia Jax
Well, that was quick...
Winner: Nia Jax
Rating : DEVONNNNNNNNNN GET THEEE TABLEEEEE
Hurt Business vs New Day (VIP Lounge)(Non-Title Match)
Pastor Montavious Porter & his choir boys make their way to the ring to talk about Bobby Bouch...I mean Bobby Lashley and his match with Sami at Survivor Series. Que another “Best of the Best” tagline. I feel like I’m in church rig...thank god New Day. We get compliments all around. Xavier woods tells a quick TL:DR story about getting in trouble for staying up late in the 7th grade to catch a Lashley Match. Some plural and singular title reign accomplishments of Kofi, some hip gyrating and finding out that Bobby could only last about 8 seconds with Lana. Bell ring and we start with Xavier doing a hurricarana to Cedrick with a stalling Supplex into a kick out pin. Kofi gets tagged in and starts to twerk (ass, ass, ass, ass,) we see a roll up with a drop kick by Kofi who then tags in Xavier. Cedrick tags in Shelton and Xavier takes to the top rope and gets a knee to the face and falls to the outside. We get super kick by Cedrick. A clothesline, double leg drop, a twisted hurricarana and a chest stomp from Kofi to Cedrick. Two DDTs by woods to Shelton. We get roll ups from both teams, a super kick and pay dirt for the Hurt business to secure the win over the Tag Team Champions
Winner: Hurt Business
Rating: No Ali and the Lil’Butions so that made this so much better
Bliss/Cross segment
Cross pleads for Bliss to snap out of it and come home where she belongs but instead, we get demon Bliss that scares off Cross.
Ricochet vs Tucker(w/ Ali and his Lil’Buttions)
First of all, what the hell is Tucker wearing? Oh, hey Ali Whatcha doing out here? Anyway, we see Ricochet get the quick pin over Tucker. Oh, here comes the Lil'Butions head banging to some 90’s Korn instrumental. We get ring around the rosy with Ricochet in the middle. He tries to fight back. KEYWORD he tries. Ricochet asks “Why are you doing this?” and Big Bution (Ali) reply is “No sin is Forgiven”. I have no idea what that means and nor do I care anymore.
Winner: Ricochet
Rating: WWE why are you doing this?
Drew McIntyre Vs Miz & Morrison
Drew gets introduced as the Former WWE Champion. Man, that steal stings. We got 15 minutes left for tonight show so let’s get this going! We see Drew and Morrison start off the match. Morrison tries to take control of the match but just gets yeeted in the Jaw by Drew who then follows up with a chop to the chest. Miz gets tagged in and tries to take control but also takes a chop to the chest. Miz and Morrison get thrown around like rag dolls. Miz attempts to dive to the outside to take Drew down but ends up getting clotheslined and Drew does the reverse Alabama Slam to Morrison on top of Miz. Morrison and Miz try to gain traction by double teaming Drew and throwing him shoulder first into the post and into the barricade. We get some sweet parkour moves from Morrison some kicks and punches and a sneak choke out from Miz. We see a super kick, twisted neck breaker from Morrison with a skull crushing finale from Miz to try to end the match. At the end Drew is victorious with a future Shock DDT, Tope Con Hilo over the top rope and a claymore to Miz to end the match but before RAW goes off the air Randy runs in and RKO’s Drew to only be met with The Fiends laugh echoing throughout the Thunderdome.
Winner: Drew McIntyre
Rating: I was ready for that good time
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